Discordian Oracle AppleKatation

1. Omar & Mal

Greg Hill & Kerry Thornley

Sublime creative power can provide happiness to yourself and others. You must consciously cast out all that is inferior, degrading, and just plain lame. There are many who are great and yet still unrecognized, so do not judge yourself by external success or failure, but instead develop the calm strength of patience. Do not expend your energies prematurely; wait until the time is ripe. The paths before you lead to those of the hero or the holy sage.

2. Chapel Perilous

Here There Be Dragons

This hexagram represents the dark, yielding power of Yin. Do not go ahead and try to lead blindly at this juncture, or you will become lost. Instead look for a friend or a guide to help you through the darkness, but do not give yourself over to them, for solitude and planning will also be necessary (not only that, we don't want you to turn into a cabbage, either).

3. Cosmogony

1. Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao, balanced in Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpushpull of the Hodge and the Podge.
2. Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge began gradually to overpower the Podge -- and the Primal Chaos thereby came to be.
3. So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced on the Edge of Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpullpush of the Podge and the Hodge.
4. Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal, the Podge swiftly underpowered the Hodge and Everything broke loose.
5. And therein emerged the Active Force of Discord, the Subtle Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao, to guide Everything along the Path back to Oblivion - that it might not become lost among Precepts of Order in the Region of Thud.
6. Forasmuch as it was Active, the Force of Discord entered the State of Confusion, wherein It copulated with the Queen and begat ERIS, Our Lady of Discord and Gross Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao.
7. And under Eris Confusion became established, and was hence called Bureaucracy; while over Bureaucracy Eris became established, and was hence called Discordia.
8. By the by it came to pass that the Establishment of Bureaucracy perished in a paper shortage.
9. Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws.
10. During and after the Fall of the Establishment of Bureaucracy was the Aftermath, an Age of Disorder in which calculation, computations, and reckonings were put away by the Children of Eris in Acceptance and Preparation for the Return to Oblivion to be followed by a Repetition of the Universal Absurdity. Moreover, of Itself the Coming of Aftermath waseth a Resurrection of the Freedom-flowing Chaos. HAIL ERIS!
11. Herein was set into motion the Eristic Pattern, which would Repeat Itself Five Times Over Seventy-three Times, after which nothing would happen.

This hexagram represents beginnings. It has historically been read as a bad sign, but this is because the ancient Chinese did not understand the positive aspect of chaos. During times of growth, everything is in motion and struggling to attain form - creating a chaotic maelstrom of potential growth and inspiration. Revel in the chaos and use it to further your own ends.

Pi

Sometimes 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399 etc...

This is the only hexagram displayed here that was not in the I-Ching. We felt it was important to add a hexagram in case a stick or coin ends up on its edge. This Hexagram stands for uncertainty in the quantum reality. The authors of this sacred tome recommend that if you get this hexagram you either poison a cat or don't in a box where no one can see it to divine the correct path to take. Under no circumstances should you record the results of this experiment, or even try to discover for yourself the results of this experiment, since that will drastically change its outcome, and there will be a 50% chance that you will therefore be reading the results of the experiment incorrectly.

4. The Bobbies

GOD spelled backwards is DOG, but BOB spelled backwards is still BOB!

This hexagram indicates youthful folly - and therefore implies a temporariness that can be overcome. Be conscious of your inexperience and seek out a teacher. The teacher does not have to be a person, as long as it teaches discipline. Remember, discipline is not drill. Discipline itself is a very useful tool, while drill is an Aneristic waste of time. The first thing that comes to mind is the self-effacement practised by Drake in the Illuminatus! Trilogy. One might also, if the previous example is too labor-intensive for your tastes, study the works of Mr. Crowley, especially Diary of a Drug Fiend, keeping in mind, of course, that the man was mentally deranged.

5. St. Tibs Day

ST. TIBS DAY - occurs once every 4 years (1+4=5) and is inserted between the 59th and 60th days of the Season of Chaos.

This hexagram points to waiting patiently, as one must do for St Tibs Day. Luckily, it also suggests that one should eat, drink and be merry while you are waiting in order to fortify your body. This isn't pointless waiting - there is a goal - but one should not be impatient to reach it. So in other words, this hexagram suggests that one should just chill out and party. This is Prince Mu-Chao's favorite hexagram and he sometimes warps the results of his throw so that they conform to the St. Tibs Day Hexagram.

6. The Original Snub

It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.

This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold and inscribed upon it KALLISTI (To The Prettiest One) and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.

Now, three of the invited goddesses, Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and everything.

Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.

Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodites bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.

As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen (the Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be The First War among men.

And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.

Do you believe that?

This hexagram represents conflict and opposition, and suggests that there will be considerable force applied against you. It also suggests that, like Eris did in the case of the party, one should use cunning to overcome the opposition. Discordians are usually pretty apt at cunning, since it takes much cunning to merely survive as a Discordian in today's world, so further description should be unneccessary.

7. The Knights of the 5-Sided Temple

The Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE SIDED TEMPLE is the first Order of Discordia and is for all the soldiers and bureaucrats of the world.

This hexagram represents military strength, which implies that the situation you are asking about is fraught with an authority/obedience trip. Since this is a grossly inadequate situation to find yourself in, the authors suggest you just walk away from whatever situation you are dealing with and instead go and play Sink or something. If the situation you were asking about is something you cannot turn your back on, you must escalate your Eristic Vibes to equal the Aneristic Vibes of the force you are dealing with, thus forming a contented chao.

8. The Sacred Chao

The Sacred Chao and this hexagram represent union of chaos and order. Balance is achieved and everything is holding together. Since human nature implies that the balance will not last, the authors suggest that one take advantage of the harmony while it is there, and stop reading this stupid shit for now.

9. The Discordian

GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I dont know man, I didnt do it.

This hexagram represents the power of small - the power of the individual against the mammoth corporation, organization or government. It implies that the strong can be whittled slowly down by the constant wear of the weak, as the wind erodes rock over time. It instructs one not to blindly charge ahead and attack, but to gradually move ahead, a step at a time, when battling outrageous jabberwockies.

10. The Turkey Curse

Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fisticuffs. Face the particular greyface you wish to short-circuit, or towards the direction of the negative aneristic vibration that you wish to neutralize. Begin by waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make motions with your hands as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy giantess. Chant, loudly and clearly: GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!

This hexagram represents ones social conduct and physical bearing. The original I Ching was drawn along Confucian lines, and was therefore very conservative about this hexagram. As should be seen from the title, the E-Jing-A-Ling Thing takes a different view of the meaning of this hexagram. The point of the original was to move from inferior to superior position by tempering ones conduct and bearing, but the E-jing recommends methods that resemble the turkey curse in order to gain the upper hand.

11. The Contented Chao

Find peace with a contented chao.

This hexagram states that perfect harmony is achieved and signifies the end to feuds. Prosperity is implied. It should be stressed that perfect balance is ALREADY achieved, so one should bear with imperfect people at this time. Strong Eristic Vibes at this time would be detrimental to the contentment of the chao.

12. The Cabbage

"Are ye a cabbage or something?"

This hexagram symbolizes stagnation, decline, and decay. Get your shit together and move, in any direction. Creative Chaos is desperately lacking and should be introduced to the situation immediately.

13. Abnormail

"Unfortunately, the majority of eristic abnormail is nothing but inane gossip, masturbatory in-jokes, trivial variations of stale dogma, snide put-downs of those not weird in exactly the same was as 'us', and similar such garbage ad naseum; and that's good too!"

This hexagram represents fellowship in all of its forms. This is best represented in Discordian terms by the Cabal or a network of Cabals - thus Abnormail, which fosters fellowship within the ranks of Discordia. This is not always a positive thing, for sometimes fellowship drowns the individual and should be tempered to avoid becoming "just another cog". All in all, though, fellowship is a good thing and looser associations that enable the sharing of concepts and ideas should now be encouraged.

14. (K)opyLeft

Copyright Is Reversed. Reprint What You Like.

This hexagram stands for possession on a grand scale through unselfish modesty, and is therefore represented perfectly by the Discordian tendency to reverse the copyright on their creations. The hexagram represents private property becoming public property, and I'm afraid that means we are damn communists. Or socialists. Or at least Marxists. Of course, it could mean that we are not any of those things, we're just not greedy capitalists, either. Anyway, the hexagram seems to be telling you to be unselfish and share.

15. Robert Shea

co-author of the Illuminatus! Trilogy

This hexagram represents a quiet and successful modesty. Your achievements will be noticed and appreciated, so you don't have to stand on a podium and announce it to the world.

16. Robert Anton Wilson

co-author of the Illuminatus! Trilogy

This hexagram has the opposite meaning of the previous hexagram. Instead of modesty, one should foster enthusiasm on a grand scale. Be prolific. Shout your ideas from the rooftops. Get excited.

17. Bob

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, leader and High Epopt of the Church of the SubGenius, Living Avatar of Slack, the Saint of Sales. Once a humble salesman; underwent his Emaculation in JHVH-1 (Alien Space God) in 1953 and saw visions of X-Day, leading to his founding the Church of the SubGenius on a shifting, sandy beach of hypocrisy.

This hexagram represents egotism and arrogance. Be wary of an arrogant man with followers (and beware of the followers, too!). If you so choose, this hexagram can also be represented by the arrogant leader of your choice. There are plenty to choose from.

18. Yog Sothoth

For Yog-Sothoth is the Gate. He knoweth where the Old Ones came forth in times past and where they came forth again when the cycle returneth.

This hexagram represents vile decay and rot. It can also represent corruption. Needless to say, this is not a very good sign. The E-Jing-A-Ling Thing suggests that you stay upbeat during this nasty time and foster a "Fuck it" attitude until Fortuna's wheel spins again. Cheerily wave to the rotting corpses and laugh with excessive mirth at the babies brains being eaten by worms. Cheerio-ho!

19. The Ways To Enlightenment

"Enlightenment: The extremely short period between being sober and drunk." - Ambrose Bierce

This hexagram indicates the ability to become great. It stands for light-giving, hopeful progress. Keep to the path you are currently on - it is a correct one. Don't rush ahead now that you know it is a correct path, however. You are doing perfectly at the speed you are going.

20. Meditation

"Om Om Padme Om... Om Om Padme Om... Oh! Oh! Paddle me! Oh!" - Ambrose Bierce

This hexagram stands for contemplation of the the long view. It indicates that inner sight is present and should be used. Take a pause and contemplate the situation carefully.

21. Operation: Mindfuck

"I hung up in the stall of every single men's restroom on campus (which took a while) and in many of the women's stalls as well (I had help) a sign which read: "Whatever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy heart." -Jesus It hung directly at eye level as you sat there." - Brock Sayre

This hexagram stands for battling through obstacles. The fact that there are obstacles may seem to some to indicate that this is a negative hexagram, but what fun would an obstacle-free life be (imagine a video game where you don't have any obstacles)? It is important to focus on battling through the obstacles as opposed to the obstacles themselves.

22. Kallisti

To The Prettiest

This hexagram represents beauty of form. It covers all aspects of beauty - the beauty of nature, the beauty of mind or ideas, and the beauty of individuals. This isn't beauty as it is described by any form of media, but natural beauty inherent in objects or ideas.

23. John Dillenger

The man that died that night was neither the same height nor weight than Dillinger.
The dead man had brown eyes while it was a well known fact that Dillinger's eyes were bright blue.
Dillinger's well publicized birth mark was not mentioned in the autopsy report.
The report stated that the dead man had more teeth than Dillinger.
And finally, there was evidence that the dead man had a rheumatic heart, a condition that would have certainly prevented Dillinger from serving in the U.S. Navy.
The FBI continues to deny the discrepancies and claims that they were nothing more than untimely mistakes made in the coroner's office.

This hexagram represents a splitting apart (or a 23-Skidooing). It does not futher one to go anywhere, or you might get shot down in the street in front of a movie theatre or something as equally inconvenient. Just stay at home and play Cooknote Fiberglass or something and send your double to the theatre to get shot.

24. Saint Bobo

There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle, yet upright in his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He carried a scroll and walked to the young men.
"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk? And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?" He paused. "SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!"
And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin-yang with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness.

This hexagram is the turning point, the transformation of old into new, just as Saint Bobo's appearance transformed Omar and Mal's mind from demented, drooling cabbages into the finely tuned instruments they were upon the writing of the Principia. Of course, transformation can go the opposite way too...

25. Emperor Norton I

St. Norton the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico

This hexagram indicates innocence, as well as the unexpected. This translates into the kind of pure madness that is best exemplified in Emperor Norton I or Saint Quixote. The situation you are asking about requires a truly Erisian solution, such as a massive attack upon a windmill or declaration of your emperorhood of an entire state (or country, for that matter).

26. Hot Dog Buns

IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.

Unbelievably, the meaning of this Hexagram in the original I Ching is "don't eat at home". The Discordian I Ching modifies this to "do not eat hot dog buns at home", which really is some good advice. The hexagram promises retention and clarity if you go out and eat hot dog buns (I guess).

27. The Hot Dog (on Friday)

III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Bog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).

This hexagram signifies nourishment and tranquility. Eating a Hot Dog on Friday is, of course, an impossible act for a Discordian since there is no day on the Discordian calendar named "Friday"; therefore this hexagram also implies an impossibility, but one that won't bother you in the slightest.

28. The Aneristic Illusion

Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting one grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a perfect one that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say unenlightened westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful than others, some more beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others, etc., but none can be more True than any other.

This hexagram reminds that the weight of large, bulky things is excessive and warns that the load is currently too heavy to bear. There will soon be a collapse of some kind, probably (hopefully) of an Aneristic bulk.

29. Sink

A GAME
By Ala Hera, E.L., N.S.; RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS
SINK is played by Discordians and people of much ilk.
PURPOSE: To sink object or an object or a thing- in water or mud or anything you; can sink something in.
RULES: Sinking is allowd in any manner. To date, ten pound chunks of mud were used to sink a tobacco can. It is preferable to have a pit of water or a hole to drop things in. But rivers - bays - gulfs - I dare say even oceans can be used.
TURNS are taken thusly: who somever gets the junk up in the air first.
DUTY: It shall be the duty of all persons playing "SINK" to help find more objects to sink, once; one object is sunk.
UPON SINKING: The sinked shall yell "I sank it!" or something equally as thoughtful.
NAMING OF OBJECTS is some times desirable. The object is named by the finder of such object and whoever sinks it can say for instance, "I sunk Columbus, Ohio."

This hexagram represents water and life, and signifies possible danger. Obviously, the danger it is referring to is the danger that the items which are sunk find themselves in. Make sure you are the one playing sink and you are not the thing to be sunk.

30. The Christian

Exodus 20:13 "Thou shalt not kill."
Leviticus 24:17 "And he that killeth any man shall surely be put to death."
Hosea 13:16 "they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with children shall be ripped up."

This hexagram represents a clinging compliance, or an unthinking, voluntary dependence on something. If that's your bag, shit, go for it. More power to you - drop out of the human race and send all your money to evangelists for all Eris cares. I'm guessing, though, since this is a Discordian E-Jing-A-Ling Thing after all, this is not something you enjoy having pointed out to you. Still, the E-Jing-A-Ling thing doesn't lie. Get out on your own and foster your individuality, cabbage.

31. The Primer For Erisian Evangelists

A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar
The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument by asking questions. You approach the innocent and simpy ask "Did you know that God's name is Eris and that He is a girl?" If he should answer "Yes." Then he is probably a fellow Erisian and so you can forget it. If he says "No." then quickly proceed to:
THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He is a girl and His name is ERIS!" Shrewdly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he does not appear to be convinced, then proceed to:
THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without Faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:
THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know what happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell him that he will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shake your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:
THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." Then quickly respond with:
THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is ERIS. If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to:
THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated people like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really more like a poem than like a science and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if he does not get hip. Then put him on your mailing list.

This hexagram represents a strong influence - whether it be yourself doing the influencing or someone else. Maybe even this E-Jing-A-Ling Thing, if you don't mind getting meta with us for a second. It also signifies that now is the time for wooing and courtship - in the area of love OR intellect.

32. The Flat Earth Society

"Aim: To carefully observe, think freely rediscove forgotten fact and oppose theoretical dogmatic assumptions. To help establish the United States... of the the world on this flat earth. Replace the science religion... with SANITY!"

This hexagram represents endurance in the face of insurmountable obstacles, much as the Flat Earth Society still survives in the face of overwhelming "scientific evidence" that "proves" their theories to be entirely incorrect. It also encourages duration - whatever you are up against will not be easy, but you can overcome it if you just stick it out (unlike the Flat Earth Society, which is just shit-house crazy).

33. Kyre Banorg

Run away! Run away!

This hexagram warns you to Retreat Immmediately. Stop what you are doing (put the herring down and leave the mightiest tree in the forest alone) and take off in the opposite direction because bad things are about to happen and a quick retreat will get you out in the nick of time.

34. The Golden Apple

This hexagram represents the power of the great - for clarification, just sit and remember what happens when Eris uses her apple. That is the power of the great which is currently at your disposal, waiting to be used.

35. The Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory

"...and Hallmark has three of the same people on its board as the Snapple Corporation, whose VP of Marketing was a former CIA agent who just happened to be in Dealy Plaza...

This hexagram represents a coming together and suggests that feeling you get when there are only a few more pieces left to a 5000 piece puzzle. Everything seems to suddenly fit and, if you remain calm and cheerful, great progress will be made.

36. Greyface

In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order about you," he said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straitjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.
It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway, Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.
The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance caused by frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes a bad trip. Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.
It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.

This signifes a wounding that a being in a position of authority brings to wise and able men (and therefore may be tied to the current War On Druggies). The E-Jing-A-Ling hopes that you will maintain your inner light during this harmful period and rise from it's ashes like a cliche.

37. The Discordian Society

"The Discordian Society has no definition.
I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It has been called a guerrilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of Purges of Our People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont, prefers ``The World's Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is-that-we-are.'' Lady Mal thinks of it as a Renaissance think tank. Fang the Unwashed, WKC, won't say. You can think of it any way you like." - kbuxton

This hexagram represents the family, or the clan. Admittedly, the Discordian Society is a pretty loose-knit clan, but none-the-less, it is one. The hexagram suggests that you turn to family to help solve the problem you are currently dealing with instead of dealing with it on your own.

38. The Illuminati

A Satanic Plot for a One World Government. Or something equally interesting.

This hexagram represents a powerful opposition and a divergence of points of view. It warns you to be guarded and more careful than usual when dealing with potential enemies. Be careful who you Jake, because some people just don't have a sense of humor.

39. The Eschaton

"Salvation is defined in such eschatological terms as "eternal life," "resurrection," and present entrance into the kingdom (e.g., Jn.5:24). In Paul the "justification" anticipated for the righteous as they would stand at the bar of God's judgment is in Christ a present reality, something enjoyed by faith ahead of time (e.g., Rom.5:1). The blessings of the New Covenant, which today's believer enjoys, are themselves (originally) cast in an eschatological context (cf. Jer.31:31ff; Ezek.36:22ff). Christ has already delivered us from "this present evil age" (Gal.1:4) and has placed us into His own kingdom (Col.1:13). We live even now "in the heavenlies" (Eph.2:6). In Christ the future is present; the eschatological kingdom is now." - Fred G. Zaspel

This hexagram represents a dangerous abyss that can and should be overcome with perserverance. It recommends that you walk softly but carry a big apple. Don't try to jump over the gaping abyss; make your way around it.

40. The Illuminatus! Trilogy

"Like virtually everyone else, I read this book in high school after I had finished Umberto Eco's _The Name of the Rose_ and _Foucault's Pendulum_, which I greatly enjoyed. I forced myself to finish it simply to prove that I could. Here's the way it is folks: Robert Anton Wilson (RAW - as he refers to himself) is an infant, and he wants to be treated like a screaming brat infant. Give him a slap! His admirers, all suffering from attention-deficit hyper-activity disorder (AD/HD) after reading this book are infantile too. The "philosophy" (certainly not meriting that dignified epithet) behind this book is nothing more than a series of self-competitive hedonistic nonsense progressively aiming to outdo each previous iteration of its own ridiculousness in hopes of achieving something revolutionary - a series of baubles used to amuse three year old babies. However, there is no synthesis, nothing is produced from it. Rather, it would have us all robots driven outside of our minds by every blind and base impulse imaginable in a hedonic frenzy, all the while engaging in remorseless rape of the language to achieve some sort of verbal ecstasy. To overcome the ennuie which immediately ensues we are provided with grandiose puzzles (paradoxes) to contemplate with ever increasing absurdity. This sort of mental hedonism can lead to only one thing, total and complete destruction. It is not the highest in man; rather, it is in fact his lowest. Instead of seeing this as a product of euphoriant intoxication or mental disorder (let's not give it that much credit folks, even drugs or mental disease would produce more profound effects), I prefer to look at it as the product of a reasonably intelligent mind that has chosen to systematically disengage its will. This philosophy comes complete with a means of self-identification among its anarchist followers, through the presence of the word "fnord" appearing at various places in their reviews. As you can tell by reading some of the reviews here many of Wilson's disciples seem to have mastered the art of sesquipedalian obfuscation - an iterative procedure to generate pseudo-profundities by the successive manufacture of nonstandard grammatical combinations through the use of excessively big words." -zosimos, Amazon Book Review

This hexagram represents the beginning of deliverence - but just the beginning. In order to benefit from the deliverence, you must work toward it yourself and not wait for it to be handed to you.

41. Hodge

The Pentagon represents the Aneristic Principle of Order and symbolizes the Hodge. The Pentagon has several references; for one, it can be taken to represent geometry, one of the earliest studies of formal order to reach elaborate development; for another, it specifically accords with the Law of Fives.

This hexagram suggests a decrease, or a need for simplicity. Keep things straightforward and simple now. As much as you might like to complicate things, now is not the time.

42. Podge

The Podge of the Sacred Chao is symbolized as The Golden Apple of Discordia, which represents the Eristic Principle of Disorder. The writing on it, ``KALLISTI'' is Greek for ``TO THE PRETTIEST ONE'' and refers to an old myth about The Goddess. But the Greeks had only a limited understanding of Disorder, and thought it to be a negative principle.

This hexagram suggests an increase, or a need for complexity. Revel in chaos and make things so complex that no one will be able to unravel them within your lifetime.

43. Finnegan's Wake

riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs...
...Coming, far! End here. Us then. Finn, again! Take. Bussoftlhee, mememormee! Till thous-endsthee. Lps. The keys to. Given! A way a lone a last a loved a 15 long the

This hexagram signifies resoluteness. Now is the time to undertake something that you have been putting off and see it through all the way to the end.

44. Voting The Party Line

"Well, (s)he's the lesser of two evils..."

This hexagram signifies an effort at coming to meet, but in a negative way. It implies that you are giving in to the inferior by meeting them halfway instead of sticking to your guns. Compromise can be a good thing, but in this case it will create a situation that you will not like.

45. Walpurgisnacht

The Second Law of Thermodynamics, The Ultra-Violet Hippopotamus, The Thing on the Doorstep, The Glue Sniffers, King Kong and his Skull Island Dinosaurs, The Noisy Minority...

This hexagram represents a gathering together or a massing of people or things. If this does come about, either by natural or manipulated means, it will have a positive outcome.

46. The Tum Tum Tree

So rested he by the Tum Tum Tree and stood awhile in thought.

This hexagram represents "pushing upward", much in the same way that a tree slowly grows and therefore "pushes upward". It implies a potential for growth, as well as anything else that might be implicated by thoughts of trees and wood (such as fuel, shelter, toughness, perserverance, etc).

47. Inigo Montoya

"Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die."

This hexagram represents oppression and exhaution. Restrain yourself - you are slamming yourself up against a door that is braced from the other side (think of Inigo throwing himself up against the closed door, and how stupid he looked). Get some help; you can't do this alone.

48. Bureaucracy

An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in which Things Mature, in which Confusion becomes entrenched and during which Balanced Balance, or Stagnation, is attained.

This hexagram represents the inexhaustible and the unchanging. It can mean stagnation, but also a comforting routine, depending upon how you look at it. Since this IS the DISCORDIAN E-Jing-A-Ling Thing, the implication is that you are stuck in a rut and you need to do something to get out of it.

49. Revolution

"The Principia Discordia has served as the basis for a worldwide revolution in madness, managing to leave a trail of icons and such in its path." - Discordian Society of Saint Mary's University

This hexagram represents revolution. It is not telling you to shoot government workers - it is warning you that a revolution (of the mind, hopefully) seems immenant at this time. Remember, this can usually be read on a personal level. It also warns that revolution should only be looked to when there is no other way out.

50. The Jake

"Here is what I wrote on the (Best Buy) Idea Box form: I have a friend who lives in upstate New York who got a Papa John's Pizza ad that announces that carryout is free! Can you imagine?! Of course it'd be free! WE were wondering if you could send your walking, talking Best Buy tag to go kick some ass and offer the victims to the dark gods?" - Dingo Kaka

This hexagram represents nourishment and the preparing of "food". Of course, it could be real food, or food for thought as the name we chose suggests. The hexagram implies that YOU should nourish and prepare "food" for others.

51. Mr. Crowley

CHEN: Fire! Beware, but smile with mein divine!
Let nothing scare thee into spilling wine!
Here's trouble; watch thy ways, but drink thy wine!
Take lofty ground; the tide will ebb and flow.
Distraught? May danger teach thee low to go!
Fight fire with fire, or sink in mud supine!
Troubles mean profits for the men who know.
Caution! Foresee the action of the foe!

This hexagram was very complicated in the original I-Ching, standing for arousal, but also terror, shock, fear, and trembling. The classic situation suggested above would probably be the virgin bride on her wedding night. Explore the possibility of interpreting your situation by using that image. This is the hexagram that Crowley did not agree with and changed (thus its name here). Crowley suggested changing its meaning to "Fight Fire With Fire". Therefore, to Discordians, this hexagram stands for the bold and self-important.

52. Mt. Olympus

"Mount Olympus. We all know it's a major feature of Arborea, and the home of a pantheon of powers called the Olympians or Greek "Gods." 'Course, as an Athar, I have to tell you these so-called Gods are not all they claim to be. They bicker and argue among themselves more than a Xaositect and a Guvner playing knucklebones, and over such petty things. If they are "supreme beings," I'll stay inferior, thanks." - Leir the Explorer

This hexagram stands for keeping still (as a mountain does throughout the millenia). It implies the need for meditation, yoga, or some other immobile exercise.

53. Chapter 1

Once Upon A Time...

This hexagram stands for the stages of development, or of gradual progress made toward a goal (whether the goal be vague or specific). It reminds that such things come in stages and that people who try to subvert this may reach their goal but will not have a clear understanding of it - they will be idiot savants and will be unable to understand the situation in its fullest.

54. Defining Discordia

"A REAL Discordian would..." - Ambrose Bierce

This hexagram warns caution and reserve. Misunderstanding and disagreement are also suggested. Walk cautiously through the situation you find yourself in and don't make any sudden moves.

55. Pineal Power

"I am MIGHTY!" - The Tick

This hexagram signifies abundance and fullness. It suggests that the energy to perform or deal with the situation in question is already yours and you need only apply it to reap its reward.

56. Hagbard Celine

"Never whistle while you're pissing."

This hexagram is the hexagram of the Wanderer. It implies a certain kind of uprightedness, but suggests that at this time you associate only with good people. Forget the trivial, it does not apply here and will only muddy the waters. Big things are afoot.

57. Synchronicity

The coincidental occurrence of events and especially psychic events (as similar thoughts in widely separated persons or a mental image of an unexpected event before it happens) that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality -- used especially in the psychology of C. G. Jung

This hexagram represents gentle but penetrating forces (like wind). It implies a series of small successes, and suggests that you find a great, wise man to discuss the situation with.

58. The Buddha

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path to peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech,
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties, and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove....
...By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world."
- Karaniya Metta Sutta (the sutta on loving kindness)

This hexagram represents joyousness, and a gentleness that rests on firmness and strength. It suggests contentment. If this is directly opposite from how you feel now, try to foster the gentleness described above.

59. KallistiCon

Discordian (un)Convention(al)

This hexagram represents a dispersion or dissolution and suggests that you try to bring together that which is seperated. It implies that it is time to take a step back and look at your situation.

60. Mornington Crescent

- - - Not quite: given that all critical eigenstates are open,
- - - a path to the absolute plane can be made, which satisfies
- - - it. (Check the rules.)

- - Classic misunderstanding of Rushton's condition. It's only
- - satisfied if the path passes through the majority of critical
- - eigenstates - which is, as you say, easy to do - and *at
- - least six* non-critical ones. This latter aspect of the
- - condition is not satisfied, but it is not proven unsatisfiable
- - either.

- That's pre-Featherstonehaugh rules; it changed in 3154 to
- eliminate the non-critical eigenstate requirement unless
- the subject/object mapping is inverted (which is clearly
- not the case here).

and was promptly reverted by Rushton himself in 3192.
we're not playing a game using exclusively those rules
commonly used between 3155 and 3191, are we?

This hexagram refers to limitations and the need to limit (or destroy completely) limitations. Break barriers and strive to move the sticks forward and prevent stagnation or a situation that binds with rules. In the case of Mornington Crescent, we choose an example where limitations imposed can be broken fairly easily and without much thought at all.

61. The Pineal Gland

THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris. If you have trouble activating your Pineal, then try the appendix which does almost as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METAPHYSICS #3, "The Indoctrine of the Pineal Gland"

This hexagram stands for inner truth and innate confidence in yourself and your abilities. If you feel confidence is something you are lacking, the hexagram suggests it is to be found in inner truth (and, hence, in the pineal gland).

62. Stick and Jab

"Set goals that your child can achieve. Lots of small goals, which a child can reach one by one work better than one large goal." - Ambrose Bierce

This hexagram represents the preponderance of the small, and therefore suggests that this is the time for small things to be done. Big things should not be attempted until their proper time.

63. Aneris

Aneris swore that no matter how many existent things Eris brought forth, she would eventually find them and turn them into non-existent things for her own.

This hexagram stands for chaos changing into order. As we all know this can be a very bad thing. The only salvagable aspect about this hexagram is that if all is order, there are many, many oppertunities for an enterprising Discordian to have loads of fun trying to bring about Hexagram 64.

64. Eris

Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!

This hexagram stands for order changing into chaos. Every Discordian strives for such a time - even though we know in our head that we need to find the Contented Chao, we know in our hearts that we have had enough order for our lifetime and are ready to see the pendulum swing the other way, even for a brief moment. But let's be honest. If the world was chaos for any length of time, and everyone else ascribed to it as religiously as they now do to order, what would we do?