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 From the Honest Book of Truth
THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter 1
1. There came one
day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a Messenger of Our Lady who
told him of a Sacred Mound wherein was buried an Honest
Book.
2. And the Angel
of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye
hence and dig the Truth, that ye may come to know it and, knowing
it, spread it and, spreading it, wallow in it and, wallowing in it,
lie in it and, lying in the Truth, become a Poet of the Word and a
Sayer of Sayings -- an Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the
Gods.
3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred Mound, which
was to the East of Mullah, and thereupon he worked digging in the
sand for five days and five nights, but found no book.
4. At the end of five days and five nights of
digging, it came to pass that Omar was exhausted. So he put his
shovel to one side and bedded himself down on the sand, using as a
pillow a Golden Chest he had uncovered on the first day of his
labors.
5. Omar slept.
6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar
fell into a Trance, and there came to him in the Trance a Dream,
and there came to him in the Dream a Messenger of Our Lady who told
him of a Sacred Grove wherein was hidden a Golden Chest.
7. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord:
Go ye hence and lift the Stash,
that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it and, sharing
it, love in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and, dwelling in the
Stash, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings - an
Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.
8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel :
What is this shit, man? What care
I for the Word and Sayings? What care I for the Inspiration of all
men? Wherein does it profit a man to be a Scribe to the Gods when
the Scribes of the Governments do nothing, yet are paid better
wages?
9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was
stricken to the Ground by an Invisible Hand and did not arise for
five days and five nights.
10. And it came to pass that on the fifth night he
dreampt, and in his Dream he had a Vision, and in this Vision there
came unto him a Messenger of Our Lady who entrusted to him a
Rigoletto cigar box containing many filing cards, some of them in
packs with rubber bands around, and upon these cards were sometimes
written verses, while upon others nothing was written.
11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded to Lord:
Take ye this Honest Book of Truth
to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth into The Land and Lay
it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage. Preach from
it unto the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and
repent.
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