A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar

        The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument by asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you know that God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?" If they should answer "Yes." then they probably are a fellow Erisian and so you can forget it. If they says "No." then quickly proceed to:
        THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is ERIS!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If they are, swear them into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before they change their mind. If they do not appear convinced, then proceed to:
        THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without Faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:
        THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know what happens to those who deny Goddess?" If they hesitate, don't tell them that they will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shake your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:
        THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all of this, wise guy?" If they say, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." then quickly respond with:
        THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that they are absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is ERIS. If they, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to:
        THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated people like themself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really more like a poem than like a science and that they are liable to be turned into a Precious Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if they do not get hip. Then put them on your mailing list.